Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Reality Check

It has been 3 months since I've posted anything. You can see how my blogging has slowly tapered off since April when I got married, then got a new job, then moved to South Carolina. It's not like I've been too busy- I work 20 hours a week at a small church, and Stephen works the same or less in an average week. It's just that I haven't had anything to write about that didn't make me feel more depressed. Somehow, not blogging about my life for the past 3 months has helped me to avoid the reality that life is still here to live, in South Carolina just as in Colorado, whether I like it or not.

I was touched by the comments I've gotten on my last post wondering where I am and wishing me Merry Christmas. I'm still alive, and still, as always, in transition.

I spent several months anticipating our trip to Denver for Christmas, so a part of me felt that we were only living in our new house in a new city temporarily, and we would be getting back home soon. We were in Denver for 2 weeks over Christmas, which was sweet but surreal. Driving back to SC was like moving away all over again. Now that we're back, I can't escape the fact that THIS is supposed to be my home now.

And now I'm faced with two distinct options: I can either keep wasting my time and energy on missing everything I left behind, or I can embrace and make the most of what I have available to me here. The choice seems obvious to a rational person, but I'm still vacillating between the two.

I'm working another boring part time job which allows me copious amounts of time on the internet, and I had forgotten how cathartic this is for me, so hopefully I'll be back on here soon to tell you which of two options I'm going to go with.


ThomG said...

So glad to have you back. Life, I'm beginning to figure out, is just one big transition into something else. The idea is to learn something along the way.
(And you've got a lot of reading to do on the Tension, young lady.)

Melissa said...

So glad you're back, I've been missing you. I feel your pain in a sense, but our moves have not been permanently fixed to one location. I too struggled to find myself in SC, I'm hoping you find your nich soon. I wish you much happiness and hope in your day to day. :)

Anonymous said...

Welcome back Rachel..I've missed you too! Beth