Monday, June 30, 2008

A New Desk

Wow. I haven't posted anything since February. That is ridiculous. Probably most of the people who used to read my blog stopped hoping for a new post a long time ago.

We've been in South Carolina since September of 2007, and I finally feel settled in.  Getting involved with some groups and finally making some real friends has been the major factor in making this a home, but it was my new desk that made me realize it.

When we first saw the house, before we moved in, I was all excited about having my own room.  It has a built-in bookshelf, lots of space for an easel and a desk and my art supplies, and great natural light during the whole day.  When we moved in and Stephen began to work from home, the little studio we had envisioned for me became his office.  Theoretically I could have used the space as well, but I'd have to do it around his schedule and share his space, and his desk is always covered with financial pamphlets and sticky notes.  It was the most sensible place for Stephen's office, but I felt let down nonetheless.  So if I want to sketch, I've been having to go sit at Starbucks to do it.

Recently the Lord spoke to us about my business and challenged me to devote myself more seriously to it.  Stephen suggested getting a desk and setting it up in our "music room" (read: guest room with a drumset in the corner), so off we went to Office Depot.  Now my desk is set up my office and it rocks.  I didn't realize how badly I needed my OWN space- somewhere I could go and shut the door and keep it organized however I want and not worry if someone else is in there using the computer.  Suddenly- I mean the second I sat down at my new desk- I realized I'm at home.  Something in my soul just settled.

The other day I was reading a post from last July I had written about having to move down here.  I wrote, "I believe intellectually in the joy I'll experience eventually, but I feel nothing but sorrow. I'm confused like I've been adrift at sea for weeks and I can't tell what's right or left or up or down anymore."  I gave up so much to leave Denver and come here.  The Lord directed us, and I was obedient, but I sacrificed a lot and went through a lot of pain.  Having my studio turn into an office was an event that told me: "Living here is going to be even more complicated and disappointing than you thought."  I eventually got over that feeling but a little tinge of disappointment remained.  Getting my own desk in my own space ameliorated that disappointment and lifted a weight off my shoulders that I didn't entirely realize was there.  Stephen even caught me using the h-word this morning: "I'm happy."

Upon reading that post from a year ago, I realized that the impossible has happened.  God turned my ashes into gold.  He took what seemed to me like death, and He made life out of it.

6 comments:

Amy Rollert said...

Hey! You're posting again! I had no idea that that room was supposed to be your studio. I'm so glad that you finally got your own space and that your feeling better.

RachelRenae said...

Yeah, it sure was. Now Stephen has to share MY space if he wants to drum :)

Miss you.

ThomG said...

Thanks for posting again. It's been a crazy six months. But in a good way. I'm where I'm supposed to be. Like you, I'm happy.

Melissa said...

You're BACK!!! :D Okay, I haven't read anything yet and I have to get Gregory and me ready for church, but I'll be back to catch-up! ;)

Melissa said...

Okay, I'm back... and I'm so happy to read that you're happy! :) I can't wait to see all the beautiful things that come off your new desk and out of your creative mind.

RachelRenae said...

Amy! Thank you :)

thomg: It's crazy how things work out, isn't it?

Melissa: Thank you so much. I've been catching up on your blog, too. :) I'll post some stuff as soon as I can!