Raging, Ranting, Raving, and Rhapsodizing

My illustrious husband is the master of improvisational silly songs, spontaneous ironic raps, and situational humor.  Many of his ridiculous songs and raps have worked their way into our regular 'vocabulary', like the one my little nephews like to sing to the tune of twinkle twinkle little star, "tickle tickle little feet, they are sweaty and they stink."

We're also a big fan of facebook games, like the time we got friends to comment about "Things you can say about your furniture but not your spouse".  So last night Stephen had the brilliant idea to start a rap battle on his facebook status, inviting friends to "pretend you are a rapper writing your first song.  It's all about bragging... what you got, gangsta?"

Of course, he roped me into it... I love hip hop but I'm straight up white.  Ask me to spit some rhymes on the spot, and I would probably just spit.  But writing... ahh, this is where I feel comfortable.  So I sat down to write my first rap, and I found it was actually kind of a fun writing exercise.  (Having said that, I'm fully aware of how lame it sounds.  Street cred = gone)  Anyway, here it is:

Yo, I'm a hippie green babe and I eat granola, You know I got more lines than Emile Zola. I try to shop at Whole Foods when our budget allows, don't eat a lot of meat, got to save them cows. Boys, let me drop some knowledge, I'ma show you how.

This is how I roll, on my own two feet. Ain't got no carbon footprint, got your prius beat. When you see me struttin on my way to the store, you know I'm bringing my own bags, ya'll, I'm green hardcore.

I'm always wearing flip flops, rain or shine. Even when it's snowy, dude you know I don't whine. I'm a Denver hippie girl, granola through and through, politically moderate, son, you know how I do. Don't wear no makeup cause I'm natural, but I always shave my pits cause that's just ... no one wants to see that....

I'm out.