Tuesday, July 06, 2010
I haven't talked about this much, but I feel like talking about it today.
A few months ago I wrote about our third wedding anniversary. What I didn't share was that, on our anniversary, Stephen was laid off from his job. I didn't talk about it because I wasn't worried about it- God will provide for our needs, and He has- and it was beside the point. Although the event has had a major effect on our finances, it hasn't changed much else, except that Stephen is home during the day now. Which means more hiking, biking, and making babies quality time together.
He's been looking for a new job since it happened. In fact, he had been looking for work since December... the job sucked and he was ready for something new. When his boss gave him the news, Stephen actually struggled to hide his smile. Anyway, he's been on unemployment for a while, and we just applied for pregnancy medicaid. Not a problem for me... I figure I've been giving my money to the government long enough that I might as well get some of it back. For Stephen, as a conservative, these were challenging decisions to make, and he can't wait to get off government aid.
Anyway, the most amazing thing about the past few months has been our finances- things have been tight, but we've been able to pay every single bill. God has provided for us every step of the way, and we haven't had a moment of doubt, thinking, "how will we pay for this?" In fact, my business has been booming- I've been enjoying my best month ever since I started the business last year, and now Stephen is working with me until he finds a "regular" job.
Then, only a few months later we discovered I was pregnant (although, this was no surprise). Our first thought was "God must be moving to do something incredible for us, because this would generally be considered horrendous timing."
Many Christians have this idea that God puts us in uncertain situations, delights in watching us squirm uncomfortably, and then dramatically comes through for us at the very last second. But through this process God has shown me that this is not his heart for us. Rather, he uses the uncertain situations in my life to draw me into Him. What I'm supposed to be feeling is not doubt or discomfort, but excitement and hopeful expectation in the certainty of God's promises.
I've gotten to a point of not caring about the details, but knowing that God will provide for our material needs. I'm not asking Him "how?" and "when?" My heart is settled in His goodness, and I haven't worried about it. Honestly, I haven't even thought about it outside of mere curiosity over what will happen next.
And I think this is exactly where God wants us; not dominated by doubt and anxiety and fear, we're free to live in genuine relationship with Him... not for what He can provide for us in a given circumstance, but for who He is.
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1 comments:
Good post! We were in your situation when we were expecting you! Daddy had graduated from CU in December and then instead of getting a wonderful well-paying job, we found out we were expecting a baby. I know it was very hard for him not knowing what was going to happen, how we were going to be supported in the "natural", how we would pay for the doctor, etc. I just remember how happy it was to be together watching my belly grow, living upstairs from Becki and Bret, etc.
Daddy interviewed over the phone with Boeing in May, and they offered him a job. Forutunately I had married a man who had saved pretty much every penny he had made since grade school, so we had money to buy groceries, pay rent, etc. Grandma and Grandpa Rollert had the duplex and gave us a discount on rent because daddy helped do work on it. We moved up to Everett, WA and daddy's very first paycheck came from Boeing just about the time that the saved money ran out. Talk about perfect timing from God. He provided for each and every need and then some! He provided for all my medical needs. We were able to cover all our doctor payments here in Denver, then the insurance covered 100% of medical costs up in Everett ~ even the C-section and nearly a week in the hospital! Whenever I am in doubt, I think back to that time and remember how he took care of us and how I never had one single worry about us or about you because I knew we were in God's hands all the time. God is good all the time!
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