Raging, Ranting, Raving, and Rhapsodizing

We've all heard of multi-level marketing (MLM) companies and pyramid schemes, promising you and your family financial freedom for eternity and your own island and your own yacht to get to the island and probably some girls in bikinis who live on the island.  Maybe you've even known a few individuals that were enterprising enough to sign on to one of these programs.  Liberty International, headed by CEO Randy Jeffers, is the parent company for many of these scams reputable companies, and today, I learned something extremely noteworthy about him that I felt I needed to share with you.

We happen to know a few people who have gotten involved with Jeffers' new 'business opportunity', a company called WOW mobile that (of course) promises you free everything for life if you get people to sign up under you, causing distributors to alienate all their friends for free wireless service.

We've been told that at meetings for these new distributors, Randy Jeffers is claiming to be the inventor of VoIP.  NO, no, not Voice over Internet Protocol, the family of technologies that revolutionized wireless communications a few years ago.  VOIP, the noise a robot makes as it turns its enemy into a pile of steaming ash with its powerful robot laser vision.

My illustrious husband is the master of improvisational silly songs, spontaneous ironic raps, and situational humor.  Many of his ridiculous songs and raps have worked their way into our regular 'vocabulary', like the one my little nephews like to sing to the tune of twinkle twinkle little star, "tickle tickle little feet, they are sweaty and they stink."

We're also a big fan of facebook games, like the time we got friends to comment about "Things you can say about your furniture but not your spouse".  So last night Stephen had the brilliant idea to start a rap battle on his facebook status, inviting friends to "pretend you are a rapper writing your first song.  It's all about bragging... what you got, gangsta?"

Of course, he roped me into it... I love hip hop but I'm straight up white.  Ask me to spit some rhymes on the spot, and I would probably just spit.  But writing... ahh, this is where I feel comfortable.  So I sat down to write my first rap, and I found it was actually kind of a fun writing exercise.  (Having said that, I'm fully aware of how lame it sounds.  Street cred = gone)  Anyway, here it is:

Yo, I'm a hippie green babe and I eat granola, You know I got more lines than Emile Zola. I try to shop at Whole Foods when our budget allows, don't eat a lot of meat, got to save them cows. Boys, let me drop some knowledge, I'ma show you how.

This is how I roll, on my own two feet. Ain't got no carbon footprint, got your prius beat. When you see me struttin on my way to the store, you know I'm bringing my own bags, ya'll, I'm green hardcore.

I'm always wearing flip flops, rain or shine. Even when it's snowy, dude you know I don't whine. I'm a Denver hippie girl, granola through and through, politically moderate, son, you know how I do. Don't wear no makeup cause I'm natural, but I always shave my pits cause that's just ... no one wants to see that....

I'm out.