Raging, Ranting, Raving, and Rhapsodizing

I have a feeling I'm going to have to turn this into an ongoing series because I'm learning something new from my 16-month old daughter every day.  Today's lesson?

Sometimes, you just have to twirl.

We had gelato with my 6-year old nephew for his birthday at an outdoor shopping area, then spent some time splashing in a fountain and exploring an outdoor courtyard.  As we walked back to the car, Isabella abruptly stopped, raised her hands above her head, twirled twice, smiling all the while, and then continued walking.  She did it several times as we walked together.

It's a new thing she's been doing.  Sometimes she does it when someone says "dance."  Sometimes she does it when she hears music she likes.  She does it when she wants to express happiness (or so I guess).  Sometimes, she does it for what seems like no reason at all.  Regardless of the reason, it's always very intentional.

It's funny, twirling isn't something I ever taught Isabella how to do.  Whenever she does it, I wonder if it's something that comes ingrained in little girls.  She clearly finds it fun, and while I'm sure she enjoys our reaction (clapping, smiling, laughing, horray-ing), it's obvious that she twirls for her own enjoyment.

As I mentioned... I don't twirl.  I don't really dance, at all.  Honestly, not even for my own enjoyment when I'm all alone.  Why?

Because I'm an adult.  Mature.  Sensible.  Proud.  All the silly things I promised myself I would never become. Adults don't dance in public, just for fun.  They damn sure don't twirl.  But you know what?  Maybe they should.  And having a little girl gives me the perfect excuse to try it out.  :)

For many years I liked the idea of yoga, but every time I tried it I felt bored and unproductive.  I tried to be "serious" about yoga a few times because I thought it was cool.  But yoga, much like my vegetarian phase, fell by the wayside.  Then in the later months of my pregnancy with Isabella, as all my favorite forms of exercise became uncomfortable and then impossible, I increasingly turned to my prenatal yoga DVD. Through regular practice I discovered joy in slowing down and fully experiencing the present moment.

Now yoga has become a regular part of my life; I'm unrolling my mat 3 or 4 times a week and finding something new and wonderful on it every time.

I began to practice yoga regularly because of the physical benefits I believed I would experience.  While I've gained strength, flexibility, and balance, I've found the intangible benefits to be even greater. Many of the principles I'm learning on the mat are applicable to my mental and emotional health and, more importantly, to my spiritual life.


Focus brings Stability

Isabella turned 15 months yesterday, and almost on cue, has finally begun to walk.  For those of you not acquainted with childhood development, 15 months is sort of late for walking.

I've been anxiously awaiting this stage- not because I'm worried about Izzy's development, or because I think she's lagging behind.  I don't think about that crap.  I just really, really, really want her to be able to walk.  If you've seen me in the last 15 months, chances are, I was holding a small brown-haired blue-eyed girl.  For 9+ months, she was literally attached to me.  After she was born, it didn't change much.    She's always been a high-need baby and a very social person, and the best place to interact with her world is from my arms.  My selfish thought is that walking will give her the ability to get where she wants to go without my help, and (hopefully) need my attention a little less.  Like, instead of wanting me 90% of the time, maybe she'll drop down to 70%.  That would be a huge deal for me.  Mostly, I'm just stoked for her to do something new.  She's really excited about it.

Parents I chat with are often surprised to hear that I'm dying for Isabella to walk on her own.  When I express this sentiment I'm typically met with some little comment that is intended to sound like helpful advice from someone who has "been there" but is truly just stupid, like "trust me, you'll change your mind once she starts walking" or "when you have more kids you'll wish they waited longer!" or the always ominous "just wait..."

I fully reject this "advice" and the entire mindset that goes along with it.  It's this idea that each milestone is something to be sad about because your baby won't be a baby forever, or whatever.  Or the idea that somehow children are supposed to be convenient for us.  Mostly, though, I think it's that a lot of women, in particular, like to feel needed and therefore get their value from being needed by their kids.  Each milestone, especially walking, is a step (ha) towards independence.  If you get validated by being needed, parenthood is going to be a long and difficult journey.

I've enjoyed every milestone in Isabella's life.  I love watching her grow.  I get excited about the new things she does.  And no, I will not wish she had waited longer to walk because it's harder to keep a fully mobile baby safe.  I will not hope my younger children will wait to walk.  I will rejoice in every milestone and every new season of my child's life.  And if you have discouraging little "trust me, just wait..." comment, keep it to yourself.