Raging, Ranting, Raving, and Rhapsodizing

Since I have to let people in because our doors are locked now, I thought it would be interesting to keep track of how many times I got up. In the first hour of my work day, I got up 12 times. I lost count around lunch but I think the total is 47 or 48. And 47 or 48 times, I've feigned a chuckle (in a progressively less convincing manner) to variations on the following jokes/comments: (What I wanted to say. My actual answer.)

You sure are getting your exercise!
Are you calling me fat? You insensitive, chauvinist pig! :::cries::: Haha, yeah.
Wow, that must be inconvenient for you.
You're damn right it is! Thanks for pointing it out! Haha, yeah.
Keeping the riff-raff out, huh?
I don't know how you slipped past me. Don't make me call the cops. Haha, yeah.
Don't you like me?
Come to think of it, no. Not at all, in fact. Hahaha.
What's wrong with the door?
What's wrong with your face? We're keeping it locked for security reasons.
Don't they have a button for you to open the door?
Frickin A! Of course not! No.

But they finally did get me a button, basically in time for me to start my other job. Thanks, guys. 'Preciate it. They also thought it necessary to get a phone for our lobby so on the rare occasion that I leave the desk for a moment and someone happens to come up to the doors, they can call someone. This is a good idea in theory. However, our security guy (an ex-FBI agent) decided it would be better for the phone to automatically ring the phone on my desk. Which means the visitor who is stuck in the lobby because I'm not at my desk to let them in can call... me... at my desk... while I'm in the bathroom. FBI, whatever. No one has ever accused our government of having common sense.

But I don't want to complain.

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I guess I can't think of anything else to talk about, then. Aren't I just a bundle of spring flowers?