Wednesday, January 24, 2007

The trouble with law is lawyers.

I had jury duty on Monday. On one hand, it was a sort of milestone- my first time being called to participate in our one-of-a-kind government system, the awesome responsibility of sitting in judgement of another human being. On the other hand, it sucked. They called at least 150 people, about the amount needed to select 4 juries for 4 pending cases. They ended up dropping 2 of those cases, but I was in the lucky remaining group. I ended up sitting next to an older lady who smelled like the soap you use in a gas station bathroom.

Then we went up to the courtroom and the lawyers questioned the jury pool. Found out it was a criminal case. A man who couldn't speak English was being accused of possessing and distributing small amounts of cocaine. I was not selected to serve and ended up getting out fairly early. In fact, they didn't even question me.

Mostly, I left the court with a strong distaste for lawyers. I don't think the prosecution or defense asked a single straightforward question outside of "What is your name?" Every question was leading and manipulative. After they started to get to know some of the jurors personal convictions and history, they started giving them a really hard time, putting words in their mouths, etc. It was a little like watching Law and Order, as I was sitting in the audience section.

I don't want to offend anyone who might know an honest lawyer (HA!), but I think they're scummy and deceptive. SO here's a few lawyer jokes:

Q: What's the difference between an carp and a lawyer?
A: One's a scum-sucking bottom dweller and the other is a fish.

Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.

Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why shouldn't you swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.

Q: What happens when you lock a zombie in a room full of lawyers?
A: The zombie starves to death.

Quote in title is from Clarence Darrow.


Kelly said...

very funny post. I dread jury duty. may be too much tv drama that we watch, but the courtroom is one place I do not want to go!

Thom G. said...

Was the smell like that granular pink soap? That smell? The trouble with law - I've taken my LSATS and scored very high - is the lawyers, but it is also a system that rewards bad behavior. I think (and this is the Libertarian in me) that if you file a lawsuit, and you lose, you should have to pay all attorney's fees. I think that would cut down on stupid cases (like suing McDonalds cause it makes people fat).

Beth said...

Hi U, love the jokes! I don't think we have jury duty over here in the same way....sounds exciting though! I agree with the previous comment (thom g) if people had to pay then it would cut down on alot of stupidity! (We had a case over here where a thief sued a family because he tripped whist breaking into their house and received legal aid to do it???) Keep it coming.. loving reading it!

RachelRenae said...

I think our sue-happy culture is a big problem. I can't believe some of the lawsuits that are actually filed. How do people take themselves seriously?

Thom: yes, the pink soap! GAH. It was stifling. I began to wonder if she was a homeless lady who had to bath with the stuff, but then I thought "How would she have gotten called for jury duty?!"