Monday, January 08, 2007


"I went to a pizzeria, I ordered a slice of pizza, the ****** gave me the smallest slice possible. If the pizza was a pie chart for what people would do if they found a million dollars, the ****** gave me the 'donate it to charity' slice. I would like to exchange this for the 'keep it'!" Mitch Hedberg, Mitch All Together

What would you do (honestly) if you won a few million bucks?

I would:

1. Dance around yelling and singing.

2. Tithe at least 10%. Give some more to charities I like.

3. Put 30-50% in a savings account (for my kids college and whatever).

4. Buy some really nice snowboarding gear for my sister.

5. Buy Stephen cool stuff (this one would warrant its own list but I'll spare you all the details and leave it with this vaguery).
6. Buy myself a Palmer snowboard and bindings and a new beanie because I left my favorite one on the light rail. Then I would snowboard. A lot. All over the country. (I'm getting a lot better. Boarding is so much fun when you're not landing upside-down on your bruised, throbbing ass all day long)

7. Buy a nice, modest house with: a basement so Stephen can play his drums and we can have a studio and room for our high-end recording equipment that we ALSO would have to buy; a kitchen with an island and lots of cabinet space; a big backyard.

8. Pay for school: mine, my sister's, my mom's.

9. Buy a car:
a) Practical. Subaru Outback, 4 wheel drive, with bike racks and ski racks, and one of those keep-your-dog-in-the-back-end-nets; in dark blue.
b) Fun. VW Jetta, fully equipped; in bright blue. Must buy peace-themed bumper sticker for affixement to rear bumper.
c) Ridiculous. 67' Chevy Corvette, with T-bar window, full sound system; in orange with black leather interior and tinted windows.

10. Open the artsy coffee shop Stephen used to dream about.

11. Have kids and raise them to be wise and practical and intelligent. Kids will then raise grandkids who I can spoil the crap out of.

12. Buy my dad something awesome, like a Harley (he currently drives a BMW bike), for being such a great father. Actually, he might prefer a new lawnmower instead. The point is to buy him a present.

13. Start buying nicer (AKA more expensive) wine.

14. Buy front row season tickets for the Avs (so I can get a close-up view of the action/probable fights). By the way, I'm going to see the Avalanche play the Redwings tomorrow night!!! REDWINGS SUCK!!!

15. Pay off the Webster guys to include the words "vaguery" (adjective; the state of being vague, to describe something vaguely) and "affixement" (noun; the act of affixing an item, something that affixes).
I'm sure everyone could keep going on a list like this, but I'm just going to stop now.


Melissa said...

Wow! You've really put a lot of thought into this! When I make that list in my head, I always stop at paying off debts and buying homes for my family. I should really make a specific list though, just in case I do win a fortune some day. ;)

Thom G. said...

A very fine and complete list you've got there. Maybe you should challenge all your leagions of readers to make their own list. But you have to come up with a certain, set amount. A million doesn't buy what it used to.

RachelRenae said...

Melissa: it doesn't hurt to think about it! It's a fun way to hash out a more realistic budget for your every day stuff. What are your priorities in life?

Thom: a fine idea, sir! See upcoming post.